Josie Jae Eytcheson

We made another one for you... It's so tiny, I hope it will be alright. I wonder if it'll be a girl, like you, or a little boy. I am painting now, for you, doing what I ought to be and trying to be a good Mum. I love you every day.

Just about six months now, and I'm still here. We're trying to make you a little brother or sister. I hope we can. You're on my mind every day still - I carry you with me because I have to - my heart is in you, so without you I don't work.

I'm changing my life for you - in you memory, really, because the way I used to live, with so much crazy work, and so little sleep didn't work for either one of us, did it? Next time I have your brother or sister, I won't be working like that any more. Life is so unpredictable, isn't it? We never know what is around the next bend in the road. It's better to spend time with those you love than not to do so and then have everything end sooner than we expect.

I love you, my beautiful baby girl.

Two months yesterday, it's been now. It's getting a little easier now to live without you - which I think is a good thing and I'm sure you would agree with me if you could. The wonderful thing is, my memories of you are as fresh today as when I made them - all of them - and you know what? I can see them more clearly now that they're not clouded all the time with tears. I can talk about you to people without breaking down and tell them so much more about you. I am so proud to be your Mama.

I miss you just as much as I always did. You're my little honey. Daddy is missing you so much as well. He's so angry you left...that's taking a long time to dissipate but it will - we have to give him time.

We are going to see what we can do about a little brother or sister for you soon. I really am looking forward to letting my body be the home for a new life again, just like with you. They will live where you lived and flourish and grow just like you did. You'll be a big sister! I know you'll know when it happens, and I expect we'll be a little closer together across the veil for a while, in case I'm scared at first. But just as with you, it'll be so amazing and so worth every day of scaredness. I love you.

It's been a month since you've been gone. Lots of things have come to me. Daddy has been so good to me - very selfless and full of cuddles even when I'm sure he is very tired in the mind and body.

I miss you very much - I really miss feeling you move about. It was you and me together for all those months - I was never alone because even at the beginning there was this little spark of life, that was so amazing. Now I feel your absence so acutely - I am lonely without you and feel like my belly is a great hall empty of anything. I could shout into it and it would echo.

I can't help but talk to you, even though you're gone. I still talk to you in my head, bounce ideas off you - you know how it was.

Some days are good - I feel almost normal, but in a different way than before. Some days I really do have a hard time still. I'm trying to look forward and it works almost all the time except for when I think of you as though you're still there, and then it gets harder for a while. We're talking about giving you a little brother or sister at some point and that is a good thought, but it's still a little way off. We love you so much - I love that you taught me how it was to feel this way and I am so glad I had the time to spend with you. I often think of that and smile - how could I not?

I will write more later...

Being on speaker phone when you were making your first clinic appointment after discovering you were expecting!

.......And meeting Josie on the day we said hello and goodbye.
With all the indescribable pain and heartache and your and Harry's amazing attitude and courage. All i could think was when there is nothing left, when we are so raw and empty, then there is just love in its purest form. Overriding everything else, love was so tangible that day, coming from everyone and especially from you both and from Josie. I was overwhelmed with the ability to reconnect with love and to value each other, no matter how long any of us have.

i am so sorry she had to go so soon but isn't that what perfect souls do maybe, if there are no lessons for them to learn here this time.
We have both said how knowing Josie even so briefly has profoundly changed our lives.
Josie left us with an amazing message - 'just love!' .We will never forget her.
xxx