Josie Jae Eytcheson

Hi baby, it's been a while since I updated this site but, as you know, I speak to you every day. Your sister was born on January 12th - I had her naturally, a VBAC just like I wanted to with you (well, you wouldn't have been a VBAC of course) in the hospital. It was really incredible.

She looked SO much like you when she came out. It was incredible - I couldn't believe it. Your Daddy was there - he made it through the pregnancy without going completely insane (thankfully) and when Isobella was put up on my chest the very moment she came out, he cried and there were tears dripping onto the bedsheets. He was SO worried that Bella would be lost, just like you, Josie.

As she grows I think of you every day. Sometimes when I hold her it feels like I am holding you both in my arms. As though you are twins. I haven't had a single bad moment with her - not one - and she will be eleven weeks old tomorrow. Oh, you would have loved being a big sister to her here on Earth. I love being a mama. I miss you so much - I just wish I could have kept you both. Just know, if you are somehow still able to know, that every time I hold Isobella I am holding you too, and every time I tell her I love her; that she's my favorite baby; that she is so beautiful, that applies to you too.

I know now more than ever that you are 100% part of my life, and always will be, every day, forever. I will never forget anything about you, ever. I love you so much! XXXXX

It's been almost a year - amazing really. I remember reading a friend of mine, Carly's, words and she said "I wish I could have looked ahead a year as I sat there holding my little son, and seen what was in store" - or something along those lines. She went on to have another little girl after that.

Now here I am also having another baby. She is 26 and a half weeks old so far, kicking and bouncing oh - so much like you. At her 19 week ultrasound, she weighed 11oz, the same as you - and had a heartbeat of 153, just like you. Incredible. I can feel her soul is different than yours, but just as beautiful and very similar! Today, one year ago, I sat in the bath and listened to Clannad because I knew that I wouldn't probably have the chance to have a relaxing bath for a while with you once you were here! I had my first practice contraction in the bath - it was so relaxing and the sun shone in through the window, over the roof.

I love you. My love is endless, like the Earth. Nothing will diminish it, ever. Thank you for honoring me with your presence for nine months. I woulnd't trade them for anything in the world.

10/7/09

jay, i went to go read your blog because it's been a while and i saw this in your list of websites. your words to josie are so beautiful, made me tear up. i am so happy for you and think of you and josie and  your family often.

I am fifteen weeks pregnant today... Your new little brother or sister is becoming more tangible by the day. We had a doctor's appointment last Thursday and he had no trouble finding the heartbeat with the doppler - there it was, as soon as the probe was on my belly! 154-157 beats per minute and I'll tell you what, Josie, this one's a mover and shaker, just like you were. That heartbeat sounded so joyful and exuberant, just the way you always were!

I love you...

Hello gorgeous girl. I was just thinking last night about your lovely skin and hair and your eyes and the memories made me smile. It's almost the middle of July (2009) now, and I am writing this from Scotland where we've gone to stay with your Grandpa Kevin, who was so kind and flew us all over here. Next Monday I'll be 14 weeks pregnant with your little brother or sister and I am beginning to feel flutterings, just like I did with you.

I'm very excited about your little brother or sister, the same as I was with you. There is no part of your life, or of meeting you that I would ever regret. I love you very much!